So the flights are booked and I’m teetering on the edge of the next two adventures. Eek!
1. July 2016 – Pacific Crest Trail Southbound (Canada to Mexico)
2. December 2016 – Te Araroa, New Zealand
People who know me and readers of this blog will know that I have struggled to readjust to ‘life as I knew it’ before the start of the big adventures of 2015 (and the disillusion of that life is pretty much what led to those adventures anyway).
I never thought readjusting was going to be easy. Maybe I should have considered that I didn’t want to readjust. In fact I did consider that I didn’t want to readjust – I made plans (everything is better when you have a plan). Big plans with a boy. Plans to move country. Plans to turn my life upside down…and with one phone call it was all taken away. The dreams were gone, the plans were gone, I felt like I was left with nothing.
I spent a lot more time than I should of wallowing in self pity. Struggling to think of anything I could do next. I couldn’t see a way forward. I didn’t know what I wanted to do or who I wanted to be. I was letting someone else be in control of my life.
Well, POW! I’ve taken control back. As it turns out, you can be whatever you choose to be if you put in a little effort, and if one plan fails you just need to make a new one. It really is that simple. It might take a while to figure it out, but it will happen eventually.
There is nothing wrong with my life at all – in fact I’m incredibly lucky. I own my house. I earn an above average wage. I have friends and family. I am healthy. I eat well. I do stuff. I have things. But I am left wondering time and time again – is this it?!
Is life about working 5 days a week and living for the weekend? Is it about paying into a pension every month when you may not even reach pensionable age (which will probably be 80 if I make it anyway!)? Is it about making more and more money so you can buy more cushions / clothes / cars that you don’t really want or need?
Some people, a lot of people in fact, are happy doing this and that’s totally ok. I’m not. And that’s not ok.
But here’s a question: what do you dream of? Is the answer working harder or sitting in an office day in day out. Probably not, right?
“None of us get out of here alive. I’d rather die doing what I love, what moves me, is authentic to my unique character, than leave this world exhausted, angry, and bitter by trying to act in accordance with what society deems appropriate or by trying to make myself into someone I’m not to please someone who is not me”. – Superclassy. PCT class of 2015
I don’t feel the need to seek others approval for my life choices, but it has been interesting to me that not one person I have told about my adventure plans has told me I am doing the wrong thing. It hasn’t really come as surprise to anyone that I am taking off again and the common reaction is ‘I wish I could do that’…
Well I can.
And I’m going to.
And I’m scared and nervous. And that’s what makes it exciting!!
Someone once said to me that the PCT wasn’t ‘real life’. Oh that person was so wrong. With everything I need on my back and the world at my feet I have never felt so alive. That life was the most real life I have ever known.
I am not going away to escape life. I am going away so life doesn’t escape me…